I'm really sorry I keep making these annoying journals, I really don't want any attention or any pity, but I feel like this is eating me alive (as stupid and simple plan-y as that sounds). As you guys may know from previous journals, I have some pretty bad anxiety and lately its gotten so bad that I don't even really want to leave my house. I don't know why this is happening, but it is. I got my Driver's License recently and my mom asked me why I cried so much before the test and why I was so miserable and I told her about the anxiety attacks I have had behind the wheel and I told her about my anxiety. USING THE SPECIFIC WORD "ANXIETY" SO THAT SHE COULDN'T BRUSH IT OFF AS SOMETHING ELSE. She told me that I should learn some deep breathing exercises or something, to which I told her, "Yeah, but my knowing that I have it isn't going to make it go away." Since then, I have told her about my anxiety maybe three times in the past two weeks, being sure to use the word ANXIETY to make it clear.
The last time I brought it up, she didn't say anything.
Today, we went to a family friend's house for dinner and my sister and I were sitting at the table with one of our childhood friends, and they asked me if I had a job.
I told them no, and that I quit my first job.
They asked me why I quit.
I told them that it was just a lot for me.
My sister chimed in at this point and said, "I think it's just because you get overwhelmed way too easily."
She then followed that up by saying, "You're too sensitive."
I need professional help or I'm gonna lose my mind. I want to work and be normal, but I can't do that without help and I don't know why my family isn't helping me here. I can't remember the last time I felt truly okay and I know that that sounds really ew angsty 12yo but I'm 18 fucking years old and this should have been fixed but it's not, and I just need something to make me feel okay.